Time And Experience.

Lack of fresh thought eludes my posting track record. I get tired of writing about the same thing, everyday; I am cut down by the repetition of thought. Sure, I could pull out from my mind the beauty I saw in the moment when the first snow flurried, or the hatred I felt soon after at the cold it brings. But I love to write from fire, and I’m waiting for one mental wildfire to burn itself out. For those who are now sporting question marks over your heads, I’m fine; don’t worry about anything. Time just has a way of bringing perspective.

I have to embrace the fact that age brings experience, both positive and negative. Today, I fell into a mood. It’s one that’s not a stranger, one I’ve come to expect periodically. It’s deeply contemplative, about nearly everything in life. It’s times like these that I am dying to vocalize. So I do, and I write in a secret place for no eyes to see. I do close a part of me off; it’s my pride. I would be too embarrassed to have really much of anyone know exactly what is crossing my mind. It’s one thing to ponder, and another when it’s unreturned. So I stick to the all-elusive I have found a comfort zone in. I give a taste without throwing what I feel in the cause’s face. All appearances are kept; all guards remain firmly build, foundation unshaken.

Oh it is taboo to utter this sentence after eluding to the less than positive, but I will say the forbidden words in the form of this: I am happy. Happy that nine is a new personal favorite number, a reflection of my gift of words. I learned today that I will do this for the rest of my life. Completely enamored with words and speaking voices, I lay my head down to a day of realizations.

I wrote another edition of a letter to you, but I also further buried your memory. I felt anger at the loss of the primetime of youth, but I also felt honored at being needed and making my own name. Furthermore, I am one step closer to accepting that which is my potential future. The happy that I couldn’t find is full-force in the face of what I thought was youthful fun. I have comfort that my life’s fire burns brighter than the one torching my mind. A low stream will continue to cut the life from it. It will breathe its last before I do.

I strive for your happiness now, better half. And you will find it because it is due. Together our ragged thoughts form smooth edges. You always have been my perfector.