"Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21
As I study patience, my mind fades away. I'm in desperate need of these lessons and my mind needs focus. So I come here.
God, I want so much, and I want it all now. Why is it that I can't make my mind slow and enjoy the now? The moments I cherish fly by, the hours of work and obligation stretch for days. It hardly seems fair, but I know this is what you're trying to teach me, to delight in everything I do. I need to praise you in my work. I need to thank you in my joy. It's so easy to say thank you for the good, for the gifts you've given me. Why then do I forget to thank you for the blessing of a balanced life, for 40 hours a week to devote to making a living? These words I read are jumping off of the page and into my heart. Reading can't begin to cover everything I need to learn.
Patience is a virtue I've lost sight of. Patience for 8 hour days, patience when I'm away from the ones I can't get enough of. You've given me a passion for loving with everything I have, and I get carried away. Help me to cherish the time between with the moment of togetherness in mind.
Keep my eyes focused on you; help me to see that everything in this life only magnifies the loving grace you've undeservedly given to me. I've never loved You more, and I never want to love you less. Help me to pass it on, to love like You do.
Thank you for the obligations, for learning new things, and honestly, for patience. Thank you for my struggle, for your power is made perfect in my weakness. Help me to boast in it and be humbled so that everything I say and do can point to the God who loves me.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
I am so scared of the power you hold.
You told me you loved me first, and I laughed. What does this boy know in a whiskey state of mind? My thoughts began racing, and I knew I wanted to say it back. We'll talk about it in the morning. I was too scared to ask if you meant it, and I went on holding my breath.
A few favorite poisons and a several late nights later, your eyes are on my screen and my source is revealed. I pick one, and one line in, you repeat yourself. You repeat a part of yourself that is several nights removed and front and center in my mind. I think I ask twenty times if you mean it.
You love me?
The next day it drops as you help me pass a test. You carry my weight and show me your world. I can't wait to fire into the sky, and I make a joke of your sweet words. I can swear to you that I cherish them.
It's my least favorite and cherished ritual, and goodbye has come again like a harsh profanity. My state of mind is clear, unaltered, and I'm terrified once again at the words behind my teeth. You know, and you ask, but at long last you say those words again. I whisper my reply in your ear, afraid it's your idea of a joke. You hold me tight and I know.
You love me.
I'm still afraid to tell you that I love you, still afraid that you aren't real. I love you with every inch, and I am absolutely terrified. It's so soon and you have complete reign. My mind is set to forever, and should you pull away, I'm not sure how I'd cope. I think I need you and I've never wanted to need anyone. Stay.
I hope you never stop loving me.
I could never stop loving you.
You told me you loved me first, and I laughed. What does this boy know in a whiskey state of mind? My thoughts began racing, and I knew I wanted to say it back. We'll talk about it in the morning. I was too scared to ask if you meant it, and I went on holding my breath.
A few favorite poisons and a several late nights later, your eyes are on my screen and my source is revealed. I pick one, and one line in, you repeat yourself. You repeat a part of yourself that is several nights removed and front and center in my mind. I think I ask twenty times if you mean it.
You love me?
The next day it drops as you help me pass a test. You carry my weight and show me your world. I can't wait to fire into the sky, and I make a joke of your sweet words. I can swear to you that I cherish them.
It's my least favorite and cherished ritual, and goodbye has come again like a harsh profanity. My state of mind is clear, unaltered, and I'm terrified once again at the words behind my teeth. You know, and you ask, but at long last you say those words again. I whisper my reply in your ear, afraid it's your idea of a joke. You hold me tight and I know.
You love me.
I'm still afraid to tell you that I love you, still afraid that you aren't real. I love you with every inch, and I am absolutely terrified. It's so soon and you have complete reign. My mind is set to forever, and should you pull away, I'm not sure how I'd cope. I think I need you and I've never wanted to need anyone. Stay.
I hope you never stop loving me.
I could never stop loving you.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Ordinary? No.
Me and you.
I can't believe it's two weeks in and I'm biting my lips to hold back strong words. Everything you do leaves me amazed; everything you say makes the color in my checks rise. A gentleman, an unselfish lover, a leader. Who would've guessed from a glance across the room? Your force is magnetic and I need you more than I'm willing to admit.
I think back to the days I was scared to near your table, scared to offer you something to drink. I had to look my best, though I was sure I'd never get close to you. I had a chance, and I ran like a scared little kid. It took a literal pull to get me face to face with you, and I was certain I forgot how to breathe. I couldn't get more than 5 words out before I had to run, scared again, hitting myself internally. I lost my chance! But I came home to a message, and this message turned to a stream, and soon enough, I wasn't afraid to look into your eyes. It started with a marathon day stretched into my reality. Now, you are my favorite pillow.
I'm dying to unfold what I'm revealing. My lungs are sure to burst if I don't sing it soon. I'm so scared of what you do to me, but I've never loved anything more.
Already, I've never loved anyone more.
I can't believe it's two weeks in and I'm biting my lips to hold back strong words. Everything you do leaves me amazed; everything you say makes the color in my checks rise. A gentleman, an unselfish lover, a leader. Who would've guessed from a glance across the room? Your force is magnetic and I need you more than I'm willing to admit.
I think back to the days I was scared to near your table, scared to offer you something to drink. I had to look my best, though I was sure I'd never get close to you. I had a chance, and I ran like a scared little kid. It took a literal pull to get me face to face with you, and I was certain I forgot how to breathe. I couldn't get more than 5 words out before I had to run, scared again, hitting myself internally. I lost my chance! But I came home to a message, and this message turned to a stream, and soon enough, I wasn't afraid to look into your eyes. It started with a marathon day stretched into my reality. Now, you are my favorite pillow.
I'm dying to unfold what I'm revealing. My lungs are sure to burst if I don't sing it soon. I'm so scared of what you do to me, but I've never loved anything more.
Already, I've never loved anyone more.
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