Someone worth missing.

Words cannot describe the moment after that phone hangs up. The second before that first tear falls, all you can think is no, not him. Please God, make him call back and say everything's okay.

Then reality sets in, if you let it.

That boy I knew since he was just over double digits and I was still shy of them. The boy that became a fixture in my house for a majority of my life. I always called you my big brother, because I didn't know anyone could be as protective as my own brother, but you were. My very first Homecoming dance had me going with a boy I liked, and you said you were going to sit on my front porch with a gun. No boy was good enough for me in the two of you's eyes because that's what big brothers do. I saw you on spring break, four boys just hanging out, yet still not too cool for their little sisters. You'd invite us out to sit with you while you told your stories.

This is what I thought of.

Reality cannot scratch these from my mind, and I'd never let it. I don't understand why you had to leave. I know it's said that God works in mysterious ways, so I'm searching for His light. On the day where Betty, who left this earth last April, would have celebrated his seventeenth birthday. He would be basking in the rays of the R rated movie screens, and you would be laughing like you always were. You never did let me take myself too seriously. One day, you stumbled up two flights of stairs just to tell me we were going to get married one day. I remember telling you, "Of course we are; you'd scare off anyone else I tried to marry!" Then I led you by the arm back down to the basement while you tried to fall headfirst on all those stairs.

Because I knew you, I can smile.

You liked to have a good time, and that's how I'm going to remember you. I'm going to remember fist fights you let me win and rides in my brothers car. I'm going to remember the way you called us family, and meant it. I'm going to remember believing in you. It's hard not to focus on the justice you haven't gotten, and how dare that man or woman run away. But although they took you from us, I still got nearly a decade of good years to know you. That is a gift. You really did make me stronger, and I'm a better person from the years I could call you my big brother. No one can take away the things you taught me. For that, I am thanking every star in heaven, including the one you find your home on now.

5/30/87- 10/5/09
Andrew, I'm going to miss you so much. I'll carry you with me every day. I love you, my second big brother. Thank you for blessing my life. I can't wait until the day I get to see you again. < 3

For we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him.
Even when it's hard to understand. My prayers go out to everyone mourning.