New Perspective.

Little is left to gain. I know who I am and for the smarts I've got, you'd think I could figure you out. I'm senseless. The last time I felt this unrelatable, I was a completely different person. This time around, I can handle it. I guess you could say I've learned how to trust myself. I like to talk, and I like to unload. I'm getting tired of feeling like a fool after hours of rants and I'm hiding from the people who are supposed to know me best but that's okay. You have no idea, but I don't think you care, so I'll keep my smile painted on. In no way should you take that to mean I'm unhappy. Here, I am happier just being than I was for most of my eighteen years, and I'm a generally happy person. A statement like that speaks volumes to the effect of a scenery change. Location, emotion, dedication.

Consider me a changed person. Consider my hobbies change. Consider me new, because I'm sick of being typical. I'm sick of overeating and oversleeping and getting really dizzy. I'm ready to wake up at eight and fall asleep at midnight. Early to bed, early to rise. I find myself increasingly interested in criminology, and it scares me. I've always wanted to do something happy-go-lucky with my life- what if my resilience is a sign that I'm going to need it later in life? I have a knack for bouncing back. Maybe my stomach's stronger than nightmares and red painted walls. Or maybe I'm just a fan of a TV show.

The track I'm on is dismal according to that professional. Would I have to bounce from station to station with the rest of the tattoo loving hipsters? I'm not really special, I guess. When it comes to the scene, I'm really just another face. This doesn't make me sad. I'm okay with not standing out. If feather boas were the trend, would you sport one everyday? Would you come home itching your neck and think it was worth it? There's a reason the basics will always be around. Decorate yourself, but don't be gaudy. Show what you value, but not through the newsletter that one hot famous guy runs. I'd rather stand for nothing than be told what to stand for.

My values are stronger than they've ever been and I never knew eighteen could mean church twice a week, but I love it that way. I'll take handshakes over headaches. I'm saving myself no heartache. I'm hopelessly devoted and undeniably lost and only one voice can register the tune I've been humming. You, on the other hand, don't understand, but I don't expect you to from your view on the fence post. I'm direcionally challenged and I back down when I try to speak up. Even the people I love bully me but I don't pity myself, because having no fight is a part of me.

Through all of this that may seem negative, I know who I am. I realize my faults and flaws I can't count, but I know that they make me up and therefore I don't fight them. I'll try to be better but I won't be different. I'm not changing, and that one's for you. You are changing, and I don't know if I can keep up. I love you anyway. I can't complete. Bright eyes and me are completely different wavelengths and I guess bright colors are more fun anyway. I'm content from my safe place. My opinion doesn't mean much anymore. If I lost my voice, maybe you'd hang around.

I'm curious about you, and all I know about you is your name. This is my habit. It has never failed me before, and that same premonition is lacing its fingers around me again. You make me feel every point in my body where my bones touch. There's nothing I'm too tired for.

All I can say is I'm sorry. Ask your best friend where the pieces go. I forgot well over a year ago when you threw it off the table. There always is a piece or two missing after you put the puzzle together enough times. Guess I better get to looking under couches and behind dryers and pray to come out with more than socks, lint, and a quarter. All I need is two dollars to stay warm.

Thank you for not letting me frown and for filling me with energy and sugar. Life's meant to be skipped through no matter the walking surface. I don't need shoes, just one or two tones of laughter and thirty seconds to run around in circles to an orchestra of car horns. I'd watch the stars if they let me. I'd let them get out of their cars and join me. Nowhere should be so urgent to get to that you can't take five minutes to look up. We all need reminding that we are smaller than our surroundings and bigger than our problems.

Grab the hand of the one you love, and flail your arms proudly on your own. No one said it took an other half to feel complete. Sometimes, best friends are all it takes. Sometimes, you need nothing but a Sunday morning walk with only the sound of your mind unwinding to keep you company.

The second you learn to love yourself is the very moment you will understand what it is to feel beautiful.