She's A Lady.

This and the two posts before it were all written over break, not today. I just finally got to a computer to type them. They're in order, all written on the second or third. I was going to post this one in my music blog, since it's based on a song, but I decided while I was on a roll to go ahead and put it here. Maybe it'll grace both. That's all I got.

Baby, don't return to me if you think that I'm not worth your time.

Come back, come back to me, and I'll take you gladly.

I hate feeling both. Encapsulated within the lines of the very same song and encompassing my heart, it's amazing how words written by another can speak so true. To an innocent bystander, She's A Lady seems off the wall. To wish away and want for your own all at once- it seems impossible. But I'm breathing proof that it burns in human hearts and creates complete ruin. Really, I admire Forever The Sickest Kids' ability to put something so painful into a song so catchy. They made danceable music out of the soundwaves that have me gasping for air.

To be blunt, I'm stupid. Stupid to let words of hope flow into a situation I should regard as completely hopeless. So many keep my head in their skulls, with reminders of reality that I'd rather not ignore. So why does my brain drift? Why do I let myself miss it? I should listen better.

But only I know what I have felt, and that singularity has me feeling claustrophobic. I am the only victim; I am the only one with the power to deliver your verdict. I don't want this on my shoulders, but it's mine alone to carry fully. Thank every star in heaven for the four that have put their backs under my burden with me; I am breathing under its weight because of them. But to those same saviors, I'm sorry if I disappoint you. I'm sorry if I give in to some charm, or if I let my nature compromise the bitter honesty I feel and should express.

With my weakness in front of my face, written in words, I hope it's easier to overcome it. Only this imminent moment in time will tell. I will do my best to solve the mess of my mind, and I don't know what will be the best way to do that yet. All I know is that I will do what my instincts tell me is right, and I will, I WILL see that my answers are answered acceptably. I won't compromise what I need. I will get the completion I need, and that is all I'll promise, to my saviors especially. Everything else, well, it's up to time, chance, and fate.

Time to roll the dice.