Worth Saving.

What's worth everything? I read somewhere to make a list of 10 things worth saving. So I did just that. Here are the ten things that I always make a point of keeping in my thoughts, and hold near and dear to my heart. These are what I see as my responsibility to be smart about, and underneath each, I'll tell you why. In no particular order, my ten things worth saving:

1) Best friends.
Kind of goes without explanation exactly why this falls on this list. This goes for current best friends, those that have fallen away, and those that I don't call best friend, but instead, family. Once a person is closer to me than just a good friend, I trust them with parts of me I wouldn't feel comfortable screaming to the world. I hope that they'd entrust the same to me, and if they do, I'd never betray that. A best friend is someone who would run when you called at an ungodly hour, or in the middle of the most important work meeting of the year. Even when friends fade or fall away, they mean the world to me. I look back at best friends past and smile; I don't regret the time and trust I spent on them. I'd still help them if there was anything they needed from me. It takes a lot to push me away, and even when I am, I tend not to stay away for long. Call me crazy but I believe these people were put in my life because they needed me, just like I needed them. My mom, dad, brother, sister, cousins, they all fit the definition of a best friend. I'm blessed with an army that would stand up for me whenever I sent out the SOS. Count me as a part of countless armies as well.

2) Money.
I confess, I know the feeling of taking a check straight from payday to the bank, cashing it and having one hell of a weekend. But then the old lady in me kicks in and I remember the value of stockpiling. Since I was about 13, I've had a bank account and several jobs to feed it. Of course being a teenager I spent a good chunk of the cash I made (sometimes spent more than I saved, oops). Today, however, most of my money goes straight to the bank, and I only make withdrawals when I need it or feel like something nice every now and then. I'll be poor next year if I don't build up a good cushion, and I have to start good habits now. This way, transitioning into good old adulthood will be that much less traumatizing. Money's fun when it's spent fast, but you'll appreciate it more when you know it's there when you need it.

3) Exes.
This one is so easily misconstrued. Let's clear this up: I don't mean I never give up on them as in never stop liking them. Nonono, once the healing process runs its course, I'm over that and onto what's new in life. What I do mean is that I always like to keep my exes close as friends. I can't imagine someone who's been close to me like a best friend becoming a stranger. I can't take passing them in the hallways or seeing them through mutual friends and acting like we don't share an eventful past. I don't regret the fun I had with each and every one, and I'd never let it go to waste. I'll be there for them just like I would an estranged best friend, whenever they need me, I'd be happy to help. No one's ever out for the count in my book. I wouldn't give someone my all just to act like I never cared once it's over. My heart's used to holding them dear, and I don't correct it. Despite what anyone says, I think exes make great friends.

4) Love.
It makes me want to scream, cry, or stomp on something very fragile when I see how easily my peers give their love away. By my tender age of 18, most people would've told somewhere between 5 and 10 (and maybe more) people they love them, and would say that they've been in love at least 3 or 4 times (because everyone know they say it more than they mean it). It's sad to me, to see a lovecrazy girl posting glittery "I LoVe U B4BBii!"s all over their embarassed significant other's myspace. The word love has virtually lost its meaning on most of the people around us today. We throw it on boyfriends of one week and cry when it falls flat two and a half weeks later. We shouldn't be ashamed to hold those words in until we feel like they're going to fly out at any moment. When it's tormenting the tip of your tongue, restless and ready to fly, is when it's right. Don't be ashamed to hold your love firmly within yourself. You don't have to give it away, and you're not incomplete if you haven't. Well below the statistics, I'm proud of the love I've shown and the love I've kept in. I've hardly uttered the words in that dangerous way, and I can't wait until I find something worth the title. It's saved so it means that much more when it enters the atmosphere.

5) Favorites.
This one's selfish if you look at it a certain way. I believe that the things you've come to know as your own, your favorite corner restaurants and undiscovered local indie bands, are something precious. Whether you save it by broadcasting it to the world so that the overwhelming support betters it, or you save it by telling only the people you think will really appreciate it so it's never overrun. It's okay to be a tiny bit territorial about your list toppers. Don't hold it to yourself and keep the world in the dark, but choose your sharing wisely. It can be a great way of letting people into your life, of showing people who you really are and what matters to you.

6) Sunshine.
You know that song, "Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day"? That falling star is how I feel about sunshine. I know its about two hundred tiems more plentiful and a lot less extraordinary, but sunshine has saved me countless times. In a literal sense, the daylight always brought me out of my darkest thoughts and fears, ever since I was young. I've always hated dark, and as a little girl, I would have night terrors and terrible anxiety when it was time to rest my head. Bottled up sunshine in my electronics always stole some of my fear. That light was my sunshine, and it was enough to tide me over until it flooded through my windows and halted my sleep. I find sunshine in happiness, even when rain's pouring and I can't see anything out my window. I think my young mind dressed sunshine up as a healing power free of its literal definition, and I've carried that with me in life. Now I save up the moments that warm my skin and sink through, and hold them close for the next time the sun sets too abruptly. That way I always have light to guide me, and I never have to rely on dark hallways to show me where to go.

7) Lyrics.
Word documents, scraps of paper, web sites, profiles, notebooks: you can find lyrics adorning just about any surface if you look hard enough (which really isn't hard at all. 3 or 4 clicks of a mouse, really). Words that others have written have a way of working in our hearts and forming our own thoughts in a way we never knew was possible. Countless times, I have found myself staring my emotional situation in the face in the form of lyrics. It can be so hard to formulate thoughts when you're not at your finest, and lyrics are a beautiful way of putting to words those impossible thoughts bouncing off the walls of your skull. They're just another way of showing how alike we all are when it comes down to it. So next time a song comes on and the words hit you square in the face, write them down. Put the song on repeat, memorze them, whatever you need. You can look back on that song and remember exactly how you felt in a previous moment, and being able to soak in the moment is one of the greatest feelings I've experienced.

8) Familiar Strangers.
Say what? I guess a definition is in order before I expand: what I call a familiar stranger is the person you see everyday at school, but never talk to. You know, the freshman that you see between 4th and 5th period, but you have absolutely no clue what their name is? That's a familiar stranger. You know nothing about their life, who they're friend with, or what kind of dog they have, but you'd recognize them if you saw them at the mall on the weekend. These people never expect you to be there for them, and they probably have never even thought about it. But if you ever notice or hear that a person like this is going through something that you've developed a shared pain or expertise for, don't be afraid to step up and say "Hey, I don't know you, but I'm here if you need someone." Sometimes, someone new is the only real solution to unfamiliar pains. Don't be too proud to go a little outside of your usual routine.

9) Letters.
I am the very epitome of someone who writes letters nonstop, but hardly ever sends them. I think this is another lesson I took from my childhood, Growing up, my parents told me to write out how I felt in a letter to the person who was hurting my feelings or making me angry, then tear it up, and I'd feel better. I always did, and it always worked, at least for a few hours. Now that I'm older, I write out how I feel, but I scarcely tear it up. I either save it, so I remember how I felt, being a person that's easy to forget hurt and accept secondhand happiness. It motivates me to seek total clarity, and I get out my rash, heat of the moment feelings in a place where the person can't see and misunderstand them. Only when I've had the chance to compose what I really feel, minus the edgy words that would do nothing but prolong a solution, will I share my letters or speak something similar to them. Often, I send the letters that I know I won't be able to say verbally. It's hard to fully express what you want to say when you're speaking it. So when I have something important to say, and I know words on paper is the only way I can get it out in one piece, I fold the paper twice and deliver. I'm thankful for the therapy I got from those letters filled with venting that never saw daylight, and I'm almost thankful for the clarity I got from the ones I did choose to send.

10) Yourself.
No, this is not a public service announcement from Camp Virginity telling you to keep your legs closed till your ring finger is covered in gold and diamonds. Instead, save yourself in this way: know when your well being is being compromised by trying to save someone else. You don't have to die for something that doesn't care about your efforts. I know everyone has that urge in them to fight for something that isn't fighting back, but there's no reason why we should let ourselves get hung up by it. Respect yourself, first and foremost, and through that, you can truly respect the people around you, and they can pay you that same respect. It takes a power within yourself to prove that you're worth respecting. It's not selfish to acknowledge that you are your number one priority, and you shouldn't be ashamed of that. It applies in thousands of ways; that time you went home instead of partying with kids you hardly knew, that day you smacked that boy's hand away from your zipper (and that day you let him, but didn't let him talk you further), and the hours you spent at family birthday dinners instead of out with your friends. Know your priorities, and know what trust is. You shouldn't feel ashamed to be anyone but yourself. You're beautiful, and I don't care who reads this and laughts at that. I don't think people are told that they are wonderful frequently enough. Everyone has beauty in them; it's how hard we're willing to look for it and how often we choose to remind them of it that determines its prominence in our lives.

So there you go, there's ten things that I believe are better worth saved than thrown away. Maybe we have some in common, and I hope that a few things came to mind when you read mine, just something for you to think on.