The Way.

I don't like the way my heart feels. Half of me is breaking free, starting new; half of me is still in a stranglehold, captive and unmoving. It's your face in front of mine that tears my progress to shreds. It's the way you look at me. Tell me, did you feel the magnetic forces that always have been present? I did. My eyes hardly left you. I'm helpless when you're feet, inches away from me. It's easier when you're gone. I can imagine life without you when I cannot see you. But in a crowd of familiar faces, I dance because I am having a good time. At the same time, my eyes tear up as my ears fill with familiar songs and ones you used to sing to me. Sensory overload. The most emotionally sobering thought crosses my mind and this time I don't ignore it. I form my words to the tune of a confession only my best friends can play witness too. I don't remember falling, but I remember every second of trying to fall out. I can't. The seconds your eyes and mine lock, my mind runs on repeat.

I can't fall out of love with you, I can't fall out of love with you, I can't fall out of love with you.

It's like the song you sing, I want to run away from this, from everything I feel for you when all at once your arms cover me. I've been writing you a song of all the things I wish you'd spoken as loudly as your eyes did. Your words were few where your face sold you out. You cared, and it terrified you. So you run and run and stop at random occasions where we just so happen to cross paths. It's always like all the fighting I did when you were away has fallen at my feet. Your walls crash and shatter just like mine do; your body language says it all. I could be dreaming it up, but the way your eyes lit up when I walked through the door urges me not to fight my gut feeling. My heart dropped when you said my name and all eyes were on me. I'm glad you enjoyed the novelty; I hope you look at it with a smile and think of me.

I miss the you that was my best friend.

Yesterday familiar words sunk in, and it was then that I knew you were the type of love that will never be forgotten. My heart still races like I told you it did. My head still screams when you look at me like that. My hands still get cold when I know I'm about to see you. I felt the worst mixture of dread and excitement when the timing was iminent. I don't want to tear what you have apart. I can't do to another what was done to me. So is it selfish to want to speak my mind? Is it terribly unacceptable to shake your face? I'm lost and so is my guidance whenever you enter my mind. I'm jumbled, but I am okay inside myself. I'll figure this out; I'll figure you out. And boy, all I can hope is that you figure yourself out first. Easy ways out are fleeting with time.

Tell me, my dear, what exactly is your poison? The ones you boast are the ones you hide behind. You're deeper than your skin. If only you knew.