Deserved.

Is it strange to say that when I know that you're happy, it brightens my day. Genuinely. Not in the way most people say, "Your happiness is my happiness." No. It's a subconscious motion comparable to moodiness and surprise, for lack of better terms of comparisons. Things you can't help but feel. Air you can't help but breathe. You are a part of my very core. And with that same happiness, when I find out I played a role in it, I wonder how I got so lucky. It's overwhelming how, in a single moment reading your words or seeing your sideways smile behind a green can, I can feel so honored to be a part of your life. Honor. It means something these days, contrary to popular belief. Honor stands where cigarette butts and fat bottomed tears fall. Where dress sizes shrink and so do calories. The honor to stand by someone as rare as you is nothing I can hold a mirror to. It's an image that doesn't reflect negatively when otherwise your hair looks all wrong, or teeth, yellowy.

And when you're less than best, I feel like I'm failing. Nothing compares to watching someone you love more than most cry, or hearing them say that no one could ever understand. But I do my best to pat backs and even when the dialect is far from the one I'm accustomed to, I try. I don't care if I'm stripped of sense and reading Braille, or deaf to screaming emotions. It's the least I can do just to live up to that honor I felt at your heights. It's my job, but I don't drive to the office dreading every hours of busily stapling paperwork. It's the kind of job you wake up excted about. Like roadtripping for a career, or skydiving in space. Even when your car breaks down or our air helmet's leaking, it beats replacing empty cartridges and kicking copiers. Never a chore, never a demand. I don't drag my feet. Instead, I skip like we so often do. Fancy living. I'd sing if I knew your fist was out of reach, say it with a smile. If you can't beat up your best friend, what's left? I don't intend to find out. After all, you've never left a bruise. It's like letting me win at pool. Your compassion shows more often than you know.

In the face of it all, the times we just hold on and the times life can't touch us, I always feel the challenge to fight for not only my own happiness, but yours as well. It's a selfless brand of friendship when it comes down to it, and I'll never know what I did to deserve the neverending hilarity and unconditional love. As I sat down to begin, your words only solidified everything in my mind. You would do anything in your power to help me, and I know I would do the same for you. There's slow points and times where breath is hard to find. But believe me when I say that this is never changing: I understand, and I love you. Always, no matter what. Because you have paid me the same courtesy more times than there are stars.

You're my best friend and you mean everything to me, all the time.