A Year In The Life.

A year in the life in a matter of a series of sentences. Seems like a hard thing to do, right? There's no WAY a person could sum up the crazy events of twelve months within the limits of a handful of sentences. Well, I found a way. Minus details, minus tangents and stories and small moments, this is the bare bones of it all. This is what seemed to be, I won't say most important, but most pressing at the time it was occurring. This is a year in the life.

Distance is daunting. You thrill me. We're shameless.
We have gone sunsets and sunrises without disconnecting.
I'm here. This is better than I ever dreamed. You are my dream.
I love you, sweetheart. I miss you more than anything. I'll be there before you know it.
Why did we have to fall apart? Time never was on our side.
Life is fun. So are you.
You're mine. You make my heart race.
What are you so afraid of? I can't keep up.
Try, try, try, try, try again. Why do we do this to ourselves?
Hurt and love. Love and lose. Lose and gain. Gain and hurt.
Break the cycle. Heal. Nothing should hold me back.
Independence never tasted so good.

Honestly, it wasn't so hard at all to sum it all up, mainly because I know that inbetween and within the different items were single moments, people, and places that I will never forget. I look back to this same day a year ago and remember where I was at, and I'm amazed at how different the person I am now is from the May 11, 2008 me. The experiences above made me the happiest I've been, taught me what it was like to hurt, made me, broke me, and saved me. I'm crazy, but I'm not done.

It makes me the tiniest bit sad how primary the force of relationships and all that come with them were in my life. Did my life really revolve around finding happiness in a boy that much? I won't sit here and say that I'm sorry for the time I spent and the people I spent it with. I will say, however, that I can count on this year to be different. Falling in love doesn't necessarily make you any happier. Having a constant male interest doesn't make life any more worth living. If there's anything I've learned not in the past year, but more in the past month, it's that I can be happy in any situation. Even when life is tearing apart and life seems littered with nothing but pain, the sun shines on me. I find it.

I used to take advantage of that gift, and I don't intend to any longer. Hurt over relationships when only a borderline adult seems silly when I can be living life next to best friends with big plans and bigger hearts. This, to me, is a beautiful, happy life. Having someone to call a cheesy name and kiss on the cheek may be fun, but it's inessential. I am good enough on my own. I am complete. I'm looking for something complementary, not a completion, and I'm in no hurry. So many people spend valuable months of their young lives hurting. Count me out of that game. I'm living to smile. I'm living to laugh. Is that so much to ask? I know it's not.

Looking to be proved wrong is a more positive force than looking to be proved valuable.