Make War.

I'm in a fantastically devious, Fall Out Boy sort of mood tonight. That might be due to the fact that I just listened to Infinity On High, From Under The Cork Tree, and Folie A Deux in their entirely tonight. Factor in my mindset, and you have a winning combination.

I've been thinking about love a lot lately. And when I say a lot, I mean that it dominates my thoughts when I'm not being told what to think. I keep thinking about the people I love now, the people I've loved in the past that aren't around anymore, and how it has defined me. I think about how it's defining the people around me. You'll find me to be generally cynical when it comes to love.

I know, it seems out of place when you look at my sunshine and rainbows way of living life. But really, that's kind of the reason. I like being happy. I like enjoying life, and I like living life. I'm happy every single day to be alive. Even days that I spend in bed feeling like crap, or days I make bad decisions or days when I'm stressed out, because at least there's breath in my body to be feeling all those things.

We don't give feeling enough credit. It's something we tell men not to acknowledge and allow women to misconstrue. But it's something that is a part of me every single second. Everything I write comes from feeling, all 100something entries in here, not to mention the even more intense personal pieces. I overthink and analyze, and I let myself because I love to feel. To me, hell would be the lack of feeling anything.

Contrary to popular belief, feeling nothing but negative emotion isn't a complete hell. Is it awful to say that I don't mind because I look back at times like that and I realize I made them into something beautiful? They say that the best art comes from pain, and I wouldn't be inclined to disagree. I never write when I'm nothing but smiles. The line "I could write it better than you ever felt it" comes to mind. I do not accept the phrase that tells us to make love, not war. Instead I accept make art, not war.

Get raw. Get mad. Write it down. I can name no other personal effort that has kept me as healthy and sane as the screen in front of me. I find myself completely enveloped in conversation when it's around. If I could have one wish, it wouldn't be to read people's minds, it wold be instead to understand why people think the way they do. I'm constantly fascinated with trying to figure it out.

I wish I knew why love at eighteen was worth it to other people. I know it's fun to have someone to kiss and cuddle with, but I also don't find myself hurting for someone to pin my happiness to. I wear my happiness, and it's something I don't like to share when it comes to the controls. I love making people smile and cheering people up, and with someone to be wholly dependent on, I couldn't be as free to do that. It's a point of pride I wouldn't sacrifice for even the finest of lookers. I do not readily argue. I'm just here to have fun. Why would you want anything less?

I think there's few things more beautiful than two people truly in love. I can separate (The spelling of that word annoys me. It should be sepErate. Just saying.Anyway, sidenote!) this belief with the fact that I'm not cut out to be starry-eyed just yet. It's that classic make two lists, pros on one side, cons on the other method. It always has seem foolproof. Case in point: My cons outweigh my pros. You may be different, and I think that's fantastic. This really is a love song in my own way.

Dear you,
Love made you lose your guts. Stupid.

Dear you,
I think you're interesting, oddly enough. Stick around.

Dear you,
I can't decide if I think you're really cool or just a kid that whines a lot.

Dear you,
Don't doubt your beautiful little self.

Dear you,
You're a hypocrite and I've never really liked you that much.

Dear you,
I had no idea you were more than a party animal. It's been a pleasure getting to know who you really are.

Dear you,
You're heading in the right direction. I'm glad we see eye to eye.

Dear you,
I think you're going nowhere in life. Get it together, loser.

Dear you,
I'm worried. Your mind is so cryptic to me. Come back.

Dear you,
I think I finally hit the age where I can say you're my best friend and it's okay. I love you!

Dear you,
You're my family. Thank you for really helping me find my way here.

I love you all in one way or another.