Made It Clear.

I give up. It's never felt so good to utter such a usually negative sentence. I usually fight helplessness with every bone in my body; I'm always anxious to find a way to self-heal. It's a self defense mechanism, really, and one that's seen me through coming out on top and total depair. But this time, this sensation feels new. I'm not freaking out, seeking some way to fix things or better them. I'm just letting everything fade. Taking in this new sense of what I need and where I'm continually not finding it is refreshing in the most interesting of ways. I don't know why it took a hazy mind and close quarters to finally say what I feel, but I'm not complaining.

Maybe isn't a good enough answer. Prove it, but you won't. I'm sick of settling. I'm willing to bet you've never stepped up in your life, and people have come to expect it of you. Smart plan, that way people will never be let down by you, knowing you're strictly face value, sentiment as deep as your skin. Did you ever think about the possibility of me walking away? I don't think so. A touchy conversation has you fumbling for my hand. You said it was my doing, but your pride is talking louder than your resonating speaking voice. Guess where I ended up anyway. Morning crept around, and I was exactly where I'd laughed with him about being. You ran away down dark side roads and I can't say I missed you.

One off-limits encounter led me face-to-face with everything I needed to end. I'm done being notorious for playing your fool. Embarassment doesn't suit me, at least the red face it carries, or so I'm told. One-way serious conversation isn't a strength of mine either. I can't carry you, and I won't try to anymore. The weight already marked my hand; I'm not anxious to be enveloped wholly. What a difference a week can make. From pining and crying to back turned to the wind. I don't need games, and I've never been any good at playing them. So go ahead and decide for yourself what's important in your life. Turn your maybes into yesses and nos. Be accountable for something and prove to someone that you're not as unreliable as you seem.

Oh I know, I've said similar things in writings past, but the difference is this: this time I'm not expecting anything from you. I don't think you have it in you to come around, so I stopped expecting you to. I told you that I think you care more than you let on. Your face told me I was right. Are you only honest when clouded? Or are sweet little lies your trademark? I won't answer for you, and big boys have no problem filling in the bubbles. Ohh, good time boy, you'll always be a great friend to me, but I'm thinking that's all I need to invest in you now. I'm looking for a straight answer, for strength is the things we'd rather not talk about, but have to (though you try your damndest to avoid them, right?). So ready, set, letting go.

This is me falling away because I have nothing left to give, and you never seemed eager to accept, anyways. Like so many times before, the challenge is yours. You'll ignore it like always and I'm willing to bet you're more likely to just let the ten chances we took fade away. Better to avoid such subjects, right? I don't think so, but you do. It's alright; I expect as much from you. I expect the let down, baby, and I'm not fooled by it anymore. I hope one day you drop your maybe mindset and shake hands with yes and no.

You heard my challenge, if you remember it. Prove it. But I'm not expecting a damn thing from you.