Dress To Kill, Sweetheart.

Tonight I drive away and reminisce. For the first time in a long time, I smell like you, and I hope like hell it clings to my skin and hair. The heat circulates and what I have of you is continually consuming my senses. It feels like one of those nights that used to make up my day-to-day life, and I'm not talking myself out of the mindset. My mind drifts to wrestling over keys and the view from a helpless driver's seat. It didn't matter that the sun was blocked by drifting snow; you lit up the interior of the tiny space we shared. I always said I wanted a sunshine. In that moment, I realized that's exactly what you are. You light up my spirit when I'm with you, and lighten the weight of every external force. You live lightly. You had to one-up my sunshine, and everyone knows I'm a sucker for a double meaning.

I wish I didn't have to be so resistant. But I have to behave; I can't ignore all the screams for my well-being. I feel you making your way back into my life, but I can't tell if you're going to pursue it. I don't know how determined you are or what you really want. I want you to want me; I'll admit it. I want to find a balance, but I don't want it to be a short-lived breath of a joke. I can tell you're torn between unattached and something deep. Just know that having someone to care about isn't a burden. It's no limit on fun or living in the moment. Maybe you underestimate yourself underneath all that confidence. I see something in you I never saw before. A deeper caring, a seriousness you hardly show. You can't deny we're closer than ever.

Thank you for being the sunshine I need, and almost never failing to bring me up. You have a way of swooping in with your good times exactly when I need it. I hope you're always around, no matter what you are to me. Some think I'm crazy to say you mean so much in my life, but the hurt is gone. When I told you I forgave you, I meant it. I want to believe in you. The you I know, the person you are to me, is someone no one else knows. Sure, you're the same goofy kid with the usual catchphrases and antics, but I see something beyond the surface. I could be giving myself too much credit or creating something in my mind, but I don't think I am.

I think there's definitely a future in store for us both, together. Maybe friends is it; maybe we'll try again. I don't know what you can handle. I don't know what you wanted to talk about when you said you were going to talk to me because it didn't come up, and amidst the fun I forgot to ask. Maybe you're thinking what I'm thinking. All I know is I love the way life feels when you're in it, whether it's skipping, driving pranks, parties, speeding tickets or just hanging out around the house. You're responsible for countless smiles and forgotten shyness. Your impact's been made, and I can only hope I've left my mark as well. I don't know where we're headed, but I'm glad I still have you around.

So run your fingers through your hair, I'm only human; I can't help it.