Three weak days later and your songs pump through my ears like the blood in my veins. I swear these two weeks will drag, waiting on the ink to cover my veins with hope I can see, and will see forever. Your name’s on my computer screen, my IM window. I’m writing words about you that you will never see while we make casual conversation. Masks like this should be kept safe, locked away with experimental drugs and proven poisons. It’s deathly. Does my façade make me my own brand of fake? You have no idea that I suffer everyday at your memory. Your words graze my ear, faded now with time, like your kisses once graced my cheeks. But yet we continue talking about music videos and the weather turned cold.
Now I’ve stumbled upon a newfound comedy, twisted in nature, and mine alone to laugh at. Because you’ll never know as long as my mask stays in place. I’d love so much to tear it off and throw it down, complete with a look of anguish at its enslavement, like was once captured in a picture. Oh, but I’m a good actress, and breaking character would be completely unprofessional. Where’d my improv training run off to? The scripts filled my brain with lines and I can’t shake the memorization. So I’ll be this mask-wearing actress you expect, and you’ll be the clueless boy I’ve learned to accept.
Forget the animated, gushing sweetheart; forget the giddy love-struck honey. She lived a short life; born on a sunny day just before April met May, fell into a coma when September came, and breathed her last breath when September ran away. Of course it was the time between those days that mattered most, so much like the cliché dash speech at every funeral, and it’s that dash that has my mind still buzzing daily. I think about that life, and I fall into its trap all over again. So I am not healed. Honey lived such a short life for me to still be grieving at her graveside. Yet the grieving process takes a different length of time for everyone they say, and I guess I’m at the upper end.
And just when I count you out, just as I wrap up my written words about you, hitting save to my secrets, you break through. You touch me with reassurance and at last I can give in completely to peace. I'll never forget these words.
I just wanted to say thank you for being such a big part in my life and i'm glad we still talk after everything, it means a lot to me because I wouldn't be the way I am without you, and I'm proud of who I am. I was starting to feel like we were feeling a lack of importance for each other and I was not going to let that happen because you're too valuable to let go like I've let go of other friends. I wouldn't take anything back.
You're someone I'll never forget, and you'll always be important to me.
And so I close my writings on you for awhile. I heard all I needed. I mean something. I will always have you. That’s all I need to know. We'll always treasure the past and have a friendship to last through the future. I found comfort in your words more than you know today. Thank you, for clarity.
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